Kids, make sure you learn how to use a protractor in case one day you’re a teacher & have to show kids how to use a protractor.
Negative pregnancy tests, because everyone loves good news on a stick
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man: I’d like to return the boomerang I bought here.
customer service: do you have the boomerang?
man: no, that’s the whole problem
They say women only use 10% of their anger
If you are trading Cephalopods, it’s important that you exchange those that are of equal size and value.
Squid Pro Quo
Just saw the first robin of the year so you know what that means. Batman can’t be far behind.
every college guy’s fridge
Mafia Boss: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes
Fishes: we’re not sleeping with this nerd
Me: um technically the plural is *fish*
Just look at all these clinical brochures I got at the Doctor. Alcohol abuse, drug abuse, unprotected sex…
Sounds like a fun night!
I wish whitening toothpaste got my teeth as white as the places I drop it on my shirts.