@CodeineFridge
@MomOnFire If you don’t clean up this room I will empty threat you so hard!
You Might Also Like
@MomOnFire 
@BangMyBongo Mary on Facebook says this generation is way to reliant on technology…
She then sent me 7 Candy Crush invites
@DBStoner It’s the weekend; time to get my nopes up.
@ACartoonCat *writing dating profile*
Me: I’m like a good coffee, rich and smooth…
Friend: Oh strong start
Me: …Mysterious and aromatic…
Friend: Ok maybe stop with the coffee thing
Me: …bitter and makes you poop…
Friend: *unplugging my wifi*
@akatinamarie Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
@autumnsays_ I put cucumbers, lemons, lime, and mint leaves in my water today thinking I was fancy…my one student gonna yell out and say “Ms. Luck got a salad in her water”
*students erupt in laughter*
@TheToddWilliams Earth: Goodnight Moon
Moon: …
Earth: I said ‘Goodnight Moon’
Moon: …
Earth: Look, I don’t choose which days they celebrate
Moon: Whatever
@KizerBillhelm Sorry I ate your baby but you shouldn’t have wrapped it like a burrito.
@SteveSuckington [first date]
“You’re not into anything weird right?”
-not at all
*gestures to my ferret army to fall back*
@GetCougarized I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I’ve been using them for all this time.