UK and US word differences
UK | US
Crisps | Guns
Chips | Guns
Nappy | Gun
Biscuit | Gun
Pavement | Floor Gun
Lollypop | Gun
Gun | Two Guns
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How to stay sober during #GOPDebate drinking games:
Take a shot every time someone tells the truth.
Koolaid kid: *walks through doorway* Hi dad
Koolaid man: Young man, if you’re living in this house you’ll crash through the wall like the good god Madison Avenue intended!
You know you’re getting old when you decide to tell your doctor the actual truth about your alcohol intake.
her: this isn’t going to work out
me: [mouthful of mashed potatoes] ith id bu-
her: yes it’s because of the mashed potatoes
I’m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it’s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I’m still better than you.
Anyone: I’m cold
Me: Get a sweatshirt or something I’m not your mother
Dog: *shivers once*
Me: I WILL USE MY BODY HEAT TO KEEP YOU ALIVE
Judge: Did you commit murder?
Me: I’m a man. I’m afraid of commitment.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores?
Same. But I’m in a liquor store.
Apparently you can’t just say, “Not my circus, not my monkeys,” and leave your kids at the store.