Never underestimate a woman sitting quietly in a corner sharpening a knife.

You Might Also Like


Apparently my wife believes that if she didn’t tell me where to turn when I’m driving I’d just keep going straight until I hit an ocean.


My soon to be ex-wife just told me I need to face my demons.

WTF. I was looking right at her.


Me: Got any more of those debbled eggs?
Friend: Did you just say DEBBLED eggs?
Me: No, I said the right thing…


I overheard my neighbor tell someone on the phone that I was creepy.

I was so mad I almost crawled out from under the bed & confronted her.


to someone with x-ray vision two people making out look like skeletons that are really bad at eating each other


America: OH MY GOD. Some guy got shot in Ferguson.
World: We’re kinda busy with the 191,000 deaths from the Syrian Civil War