@neiltyson Jan 21, 2015: The 1989 film “Back to the Future II” showed life on Oct 21, 2015. So we’ve got 9 Months to invent Flying Cars.
@VerbsRProudest Never underestimate mothers. They can turn “mayhem” into “ma’am” with one narrowed glance.
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@neiltyson 
@BuckyIsotope WHO SAID “YOU GOTTA KEEP EM SEPARATED”
A) Gov. George Wallace
B) The Offspring
C) My mom teaching me to do laundry
D) All of the above
@NeinQuarterly Another beautiful day to waste the utopian potential of social media on social media.
@wildethingy Don’t you hate it when you march into the depths of hell and then you can’t remember what you went in there for.
@squirrel74wkgn [at dry cleaners]
Me: Hi, did I drop something off here a few weeks ago?
Owner: Yes
Son: *walks out from back* Daddy!!!
@caliluvgirl77 Columbus: SO THIS IS INDIA
Natives: actually it’s no-
C: HI INDIANS
N: no see, we are nowhere near-
C: INDIA IS FUN LETS EAT YOUR FOOD
@BruceForce Where on LinkedIn do I add my current gang memberships
@Kingsroc The 70’s called. They built a time phone.
@DrunjAF My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger.
So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex’s car.
@dragnut Picture someone stepping down off a curb that they didn’t realize was there. Now you can say you’ve seen me dance.