NFL catch rules are absurd. “Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn’t accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete.”
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My wife sent me an image of herself which really enticed me into coming home from work early.
It was a picture of her at the airport.
god: *inventing horse* this is pretty fast
angel: and so wild
god: only a lunatic would ride one
angel: are you—
god: —ima make a lunatic
I think my invisible friend ate the last tin of cookies and drank all of the whiskey last evening and boy is she in trouble.
[Rain]
Earthworms: yes yes yes the prophecy is happening again, we will surface to the top and march on the sidewalk for no reason yes
“Do you want the latest dirt?”
-No, but I appreciate the sediment.
I disagree with liquor store hours. It’s 8am..let me in.
I call this meeting of the Passive Aggressive Society to order.
*Person at the back* Oh, now we start!
Gf: Let’s role-play
Me: Ok you be a writer
Gf: But I can’t think of anything to write
Me: ooh that’s good
North Korea shows that you don’t need religion to be crazy.
I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.