@Kyle_Lippert

Nicki Minaj washes off her Halloween make up to reveal Lady Gaga who washes her face to reveal Madonna who washes her face to reveal an Emu.

You Might Also Like

@katy_baybay

Every time someone calls me an asshole, I stand up like I’m gonna do something about it. Then I just end up stretching while I wink at them.

@CCRuns

Me: *lights gorgeous smelling candle*

Him: *puts bacon in the oven*

Me: You win

@XplodingUnicorn

Me: Who drank all my beer?

Wife: Who do you think? I’m pregnant and both kids are under the age of four.

Me: So is that a confession?

@Angrea

You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone crazy here!
Of course, if you’re swinging a dead cat you probably shouldn’t be so judgy.

@NYC_Blonde

Why do grocery stores double-bag everything? Like why don’t you just make bags that are twice as strong?

@SoulYodeler

Why the hell would I use turn signals? I know where we’re going.

@lazerdoov

Gonna get “na na na na na na na na” tattooed on my forearm. I’ll tell girls it’s Hey Jude and I’ll tell dudes it’s the Batman theme.

@lovemydogduck

My Phone autocorrected “wish you were here” to “wish you were beer” and I sent it anyways