According to the law it’s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
No human will ever understand humiliation like a dog who happens to run into a wolf while wearing a sweater.
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You look like someone who keeps gloves in their glove compartment.
“Oh, hey! I didn’t even recognize you!” means “I saw you and tried to avoid you, but here you are.”
Home Alone is my favorite movie about how child neglect and bad parenting is hilarious
I bet you 5390.24$ you can’t guess how much money I owe my parents.
WHAT DO WE WANT!?
A forum for passive aggressive behavior!
WHEN do we want it?
NOW would be great but you seem busy sooo whatever.
“Two can play at that game”
-guy who’s confused about solitaire.
There’s a woman at breakfast with a mink purse. I guess it’s important to skin an animal alive to keep your credit cards warm… Idiot
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
I like telling car salesmen “Listen, we both know I’m not here to buy a car” and trying to figure out what it is they think I’m there to do