My eldest daughter is gifted. Next Christmas she’ll be getting regifted.
NO I DON’T KNOW WHAT SIDE DISH I’M BRINGING BUT I’M ANNOYED SO IT WILL BE SOMETHING MASHED
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Dolphin scientists say that dolphins are the smartest animal next to humans, but I think they’re only saying that because they’re dolphins.
Chicks like it when you let out a loud “AWOOGA” when you see her naked
*Victorian letters to Santa*
My dearest Santa,
I trust this letter finds you well. We have had an exciting season with 7 family members succumbing to consumption.
*8 more pages of socially-accepted bigotry against every other nationality & poor people*
I would like an orange.
I like to put a banana in a string of hahahahahahahahaha ‘s
No one notices, I dont know why I bother.
LEGALIZE MEDICINAL MURDER
Kylo: I need an N to finish my favorite Vader quote.
Han: This is SpaghettiOs, not Alphabet Soup.
Kylo: Great. Now Vader says, “OOOOOOOO!”
my dog when i have a friend over
ME: I like you, I think you’re cute
MY CRUSH: oh um
ME: HAHAHA omg my dog was chewing on my phone lol how did he type that
People with little chains that go from a nose piercing to an earring probably just got sick of losing their ears.