No one :

Me when I swimming :

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[When your mom calls you by your full name]

Mom: Scoobert Doobert!

Scooby: Ruh roh


Still can’t quite believe the World Health Organisation framed Roger Rabbit


Religion has been soaked in blood like the Parle-G biscuit that breaks off and settles at the bottom of your cup.


My fear of cockroaches started when I hit one with a rolled up magazine and it held up a tiny ‘LOL’ sign and ran under the fridge.


“How would you like your eggs?”
“Whipped up and inside a chocolate cake please.”


ASTRONAUT 1:So sorry
ASTRONAUT 2: My condolences
ASTRONAUT 3: Forgive us

~~The crew of the Apollo-G


Moaning faced neighbour has moved so we’ve finally got the balls back she refused to send back. Just the TWENTY THREE of them!!!


Wanna be like jesus, walk on a cucumber, its 98% water, so you’re 98% jesus


Me: Damn dog is under the covers again!
Wife: No she’s not. She’s next to the bed.
Me: Oh.
Wife: …
Me: Might be time to shave your legs.