@954LeenO
@RodLacroix I don’t trust kids as far as I can throw them. Currently my record for trusting a kid is 6 feet 11-1/4 inches.
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@RodLacroix 
@BradBroaddus I’ve found that nowadays most people don’t like holding hands in public.
Especially if you don’t know them.
@therepoguy People this one of the best days ever (next to the time with the guy in a van) @funTweeters is now following me- suck it Dane Cook
@ch000ch do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don’t have to be there
@CornOnTheGoblin ♫ Taaaake onnn beeees ♪
[Take on bees]
♪ Taaaake beeeees onnn ♫
[Take on bees]
Ooouch I’m stuuuuung ♪
Too many
Beeeeees ♫
@Valdemort_Arg I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
@murrman5 [wife replies to text that I found a genie]
dont do a thing im almost home
[she pulls up and the car from the cars movie is in the driveway]
@Lance_Said_This ME: Okay, sure, I’m turning 50. But I’m young at heart!
HEART: Actually, I’ve got quite a bit of cholesterol building up here, buddy.
@2tickytacky I went into a store with my kid and came out with a different one by accident. This one is a keeper. He says he does brake work. Well see.
@kimtopher22 If I could go back in time and choose you again, I wouldn’t.