It isn’t until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would’ve been a better option.
NPR Presents “8-Armed Bandits: Why Octopi Can’t Be Trusted”
– a cephalopodcast
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Someone needs to invent Glade Air Freshner Clit Rings®.
Apparently saying, “You mad, bro?” is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
When I die , I want to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume.
Was going to rob a bank today, but the pen was chained to the desk.
Is Vanilla Ice’s son named Vanilla Extract? Cuz he should be.
“let’s put computers and keyboards in our cars. now let’s go catch all the people typing on tiny keyboards in their cars” – cops
I wanted to have sex with Uma Thurman until I saw her toes in Kill Bill.