NYT: No, we did not make Wordle harder. We promise.

Also NYT: Today’s Wordle is KHYBX — which everyone knows is a popular 11th century Latin delicacy derived from quicksand extract. Duh.

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2015: I can’t believe people think the dress is blue and black

2016: I hope the human race doesn’t destroy itself forever in violent chaos


Apparently the g-spot is located in a $1700 pair of Christian Louboutins.


I like to do laundry in stages. For example, right now I’m in denial that I should be doing laundry.


i hate workimg at the lightbulb factory!! evrey day i hav to thimk of good ideas so they can harvest the lightbulbs that apear abov my head


What’s pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What’s purple and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath.

#RubbishJokes #PinkDay


Friend: Have you been using that gym membership card I gave you for Christmas?

Me: All the time! Just this morning I used it to scrape ice off my windows and yesterday I used it to cut a cake.


BOSS: You ok?
ME: Yeah, why?
BOSS: You have a sign that says “2 Days Without Being Annoyed”
[maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]


Never ever make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for a long time….


🎵Whooooaaaa, I’m halfway therrreee
Take this wig, we’ll fake it I swearrrrr


I turned on my computer and it went “Word” and I was like “Yo”.