Of all the martial arts, karaoke inflicts the most pain.

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The Harry Potter series is such bullshit. Like we’re supposed to believe a boy with an invisibility cloak ever left the girl’s locker room.


Can’t trust anyone that refuses to admit
They are wrong.

Sidenote: I do have a place to hide their bodies.


After killing a spider I wrap the web around his neck and hang him from the wall to make it look like a suicide.


if working for a big corporation has taught me anything, it’s that these multimillionaire business owners won’t get rich if the little people like me sit around on my phone tweeting all day


Satan was all alone with Eve, NAKED, at the forbidden tree and all he did was to convince her to eat a fruit? GAY.


Slippers made out of Lego so that when you step on Lego you just get taller.


Spent the entire day milking a single almond.


If I had a dollar for every time my dad questioned my sexuality I could afford a bad ass Harley and probably some super cute riding boots


Job interview…

H- “So how would you describe yourself?”

Me- “Verbally but just incase I prepared a dance”..