@JamesonN7
@Crutnacker Biden: Told Trump about Carter’s ghost in the West Wing
Obama: Carter is still alive
Biden: He doesn’t know that
You Might Also Like
@Crutnacker 
@Jake_Vig I hate when someone finds out I read the same book they did and thinks we’re in some kind of a gang or something.
@Tw1tter_K1tten Him: “You’re not like other girls”
My anxiety and insecurity: “Told ya”
@samalmightysam You’re born, you grow up, have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive, you die, your kids have kids, Mick Jagger is still alive……
@audipenny Sorry I was asleep when you texted me and just woke up when we ran into each other just now
@Amusitr0n My uncle Terry told me not to worry, that love would find a way, but on the other hand he once took a shit in a hammock
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that’s your ghost outfit forever.
@tealbluejay Putting clothes on an animal is like putting on an overcoat over your overcoat.
@Adam_Kingsnorth Prove you’re not a robot by typing two words that sounds like they were doodled on a toilet cubicle by a schizophrenic
@panmidwest Having a mustache is a great way to stop people from drawing a mustache on you in permanent marker while you sleep.