me working on my assignments ^-^
Of course I have body issues, I can’t explode into a thousand crows.
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Best Buy: What’s your street name? Me: FUNK MASTER FERG bia bia! Best Buy: No, the name of your street.
Moms that name their daughters Stacy are the real narcissists.
Zoo security guy: We know you’ve stolen a parrot. Hand it over.
Me: Why would you accuse me? Is it because I’m brown??
From inside my jacket: Is it because I’m brown??
I loved Prince, and in my opinion, Michael Jackson was pale in comparison.
[alien taking notes]
Humans: Reluctant to common sense gun control, yet somehow completely overreactive when approached by a bee.
Just realized the girl I flipped off in the parking lot is in my next class.. This could be awkward.
Daughter: are ghosts real?
Daughter: grandma told me ghosts are real.
Me: honey, grandma passed away before you were bor-wait.
Squirrels are just hobos with fancy fur coats.
People: “You look so unapproachable”
Me: “And yet,here you are”