DANIEL: Promise me, not again
MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon?
M: [waves hand] Garcoff
Oh hey, sorry I accidentally rolled out of your bed, across your floor, down the stairs, out the door, into my car and back in my own bed.
You Might Also Like
New slogan for cats: “Ever go to the zoo and want to snuggle a tiger but don’t want to die? Cats.”
Obama sure is waiting until the last minute to take everyone’s guns.
pretty cool how no matter what’s going on in the world, a teenager in a Metallica shirt will always look the same no matter what year it is.
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
Turns out if you speak with an English accent during an interview it’s expected that you’ll continue to speak w/accent after you’re hired
You ask me for the time and notice my watch is actually a live shrimp hugging my wrist, he whispers “12:30” but he’s guesstimating as shrimps usually do
My wife is scrolling through Netflix to see what shows I watched between now and when she asked me to vacuum. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
“With all due respect is the polite version of ‘listen here you little shit’”
I’m convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live.