@SunshineJarboly

“Oh sure, they can eat their own poop, no problem. They just CAN’T eat chocolate. It’ll kill them.” – God inventing dogs.

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@Just__J0

I got my DNA results back and found out I’m 15% “Other” and now I’m ready for the mothership to come and take me home.

@brunopieroni

That show “Catfish” should just be called “People Who Have Never Heard of Google.”

@Shariv67

I’m rubber. You’re glue. He’s glitter. She’s decoupage. Welcome to our crafting gang.

@junejuly12

[road trip]
My dad: Seatbelts? What seatbelts? Kids don’t need seatbelts.

[hospital]
My dad: Concussion? What concussion?

@Jandalize

With the money I found in the dryer, the girl in me says buy chocolate and candy, but the adult in me says buy beer, chocolate and candy.

@CMGaldre

Wild bee: just getting snack
Me: no prob bee

Mason bee: just make house
Me: build a way b

Honey bee:jus sampling the lavenders
Me: you know I got an assortment

Bumble bee: hey *bonk* I jus *bonk* I h
Me: *holds flower still*

Wasp: I’LL SEE U IN HELL
Me: U TELL THEM WHO SENT U