I got my DNA results back and found out I’m 15% “Other” and now I’m ready for the mothership to come and take me home.
“Oh sure, they can eat their own poop, no problem. They just CAN’T eat chocolate. It’ll kill them.” – God inventing dogs.
You Might Also Like
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
That show “Catfish” should just be called “People Who Have Never Heard of Google.”
I’m rubber. You’re glue. He’s glitter. She’s decoupage. Welcome to our crafting gang.
My dad: Seatbelts? What seatbelts? Kids don’t need seatbelts.
My dad: Concussion? What concussion?
With the money I found in the dryer, the girl in me says buy chocolate and candy, but the adult in me says buy beer, chocolate and candy.
Wild bee: just getting snack
Me: no prob bee
Mason bee: just make house
Me: build a way b
Honey bee:jus sampling the lavenders
Me: you know I got an assortment
Bumble bee: hey *bonk* I jus *bonk* I h
Me: *holds flower still*
Wasp: I’LL SEE U IN HELL
Me: U TELL THEM WHO SENT U
*points at your toddler
So does it know any tricks yet?
stacking up 8 sneezes so I can blow them all at once
Me: One food please.