@HollyMemphis
@StuForReal Destroying entire ecosystems by cleaning out my car
You Might Also Like
@StuForReal 
@bossy_bootz I asked my 9 yr old a question 27 min ago.
She’s still answering it.
@Marcmywords2 Ok guys, if anyone asks about what happened to this gallon of ice cream, I was mugged by a family of 8.
@HyperchickAisha If O is to Orange, and / is to Division, then Ø is to Fruit Ninja.
@neonwario I Just Watched The Simpsons For The First Time. Bart’s Grades Are… Disturbing
@lawyerthoughts First they ignore your fanny pack, then they laugh at your fanny pack, then they see you eat gummy bears from your fanny pack, then you win.
@Lhlodder Them: How many calories do you eat each day?
Me: Usually 1500, sometimes 10,000.
@TheHyyyype [about to go in for emergency surgery]
ME: *slips surgeon a $20* what if you were to give me wings like a giant bird?
@NickMotown I’m sure there’ll be some making distasteful jokes about Williams’ death. How annoying for them that he would have thought of funnier ones.
@MsCassieDaniels My white girl power is ability to never putting more than $20 worth of gas in at a time.