@Cyd10e

Old men’s pants creep higher & higher up their waist into their armpits.
At the end of their lives they’re just a pair of pants with a head.

You Might Also Like

@PrincesaBallena

8, peering closely at me: what’s that?

Me: my necklace

8: How do you know?

@DurtMcHurtt

People think I’m kissing an imaginary girl when I play air tuba.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

(my funeral)
Spouse, crying: I’ll miss you, my love. Your with the angels now.

Ghost me, whispering in his ear: *you’re

S: Oh ffs!

@GianmarcoSoresi

If you don’t know what stage your relationship is in, I’d recommend not sitting in the front row of a comedy show

@HughGoesThere

Writer: Got this great idea for a movie… “102 Dalmations.”
Walt Disney: That’s way too many dalmations.

@smells_fine

[God creating the raccoon]
God: make it cute with a lil mask
Angel: haha aw okay
God: also make it eat trash

@mrjohndarby

me: I’d like to buy a hotdog with ketchup please

vendor: sorry cash only