8, peering closely at me: what’s that?
Me: my necklace
8: How do you know?
Old men’s pants creep higher & higher up their waist into their armpits.
At the end of their lives they’re just a pair of pants with a head.
You Might Also Like
People think I’m kissing an imaginary girl when I play air tuba.
Tier 3 meme
Spouse, crying: I’ll miss you, my love. Your with the angels now.
Ghost me, whispering in his ear: *you’re
S: Oh ffs!
If you don’t know what stage your relationship is in, I’d recommend not sitting in the front row of a comedy show
broke down and did it
Before Calling Me, ask yourself “Is This Textable?”
Writer: Got this great idea for a movie… “102 Dalmations.”
Walt Disney: That’s way too many dalmations.
[God creating the raccoon]
God: make it cute with a lil mask
Angel: haha aw okay
God: also make it eat trash
me: I’d like to buy a hotdog with ketchup please
vendor: sorry cash only