On the phone with my therapist and she is clearly going through the McDonalds drive through ๐Ÿ˜“

You Might Also Like


Thereโ€™s nothing more humiliating than taking your pet to bed with you, and they get down and leave the room.


Just realized the Master Card logo is a Venn diagram.


Penguins are always dressed in formalwear because they often need to go to court to answer for their terrible crimes


Are these fish:

A. A different species

B. The same species

C. These two fish arenโ€™t even from the same ocean and arenโ€™t closely related


it’s always sad when you have to take your sick goldfish out to the pasture and shoot it in the head.


Ok you with pneumonia, go sit between the perfectly healthy lady and the guy with the blood shooting out of his leg

and wait.



Caught myself staring into the medicine cabinet like I do with the refrigerator.


[First day working in an optometrists]

Me: Theyโ€™re called reading glasses but they donโ€™t actually read. You still have to do that.

Optometrist: Can I see you in my office?

Me: *nudges customer* I would hope so lol