I wanna see some BUTTS on da dance floor! ONLY butts. Detached from their owners, just kinda in a pile. In the middle. Nice. Good butt pile.
One day I’d like to be able to exit a room without everyone simultaneously exclaiming “dear god, what just happened”
You Might Also Like
Owls only seem clever because they’re nocturnal. All the people you’re comparing them to are drunk.
My daughter just told me she likes a boy, so I sent him 12 pictures of my gun collection…being a dad is awesome.
Squirrels don’t hibernate in the winter they just get angry.
The worst design flaw of the human body is your asshole being able to perceive spicy.
Turns out 6 foot penguins don’t exist, in related news, I might have just ran over a nun.
I dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!
There’s a serial killer in our house! Normal people: “CALL THE POLICE, LETS GET OUT OF HERE!” – In movies: “Lets go find him” -___-
*eating a brick of cheese like a stick of butter, which I eat like a burrito, which I eat like an ear of corn*
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.