@scot7a

ONLINE QUIZ: “According to your answers, the Sorting Hat says you are a: —HUFFLEPUFF—”

BIG BAD WOLF: Whaaaaaat?? That has to be the stupidest thi– oooh, I get it…

You Might Also Like

@pilau

Darth Vader: I am your father

Odin: I am the all-father

God: I am the father, the son and the holy spirit

Maury: the DNA results are in, find out after the break

@TheAndrewNadeau

[Movie Theater]
ME: I’ll take a medium popcorn.

CASHIER: For just $2 more you can get it in a tub so big no human could actually finish it.

ME: No thanks.

CASHIER: It comes with free refills.

ME: I do like free refills…

@ndiquote

Satan cannot be everywhere,
So Relatives were created..

@

if you wear a bikini top instead of a bra you can go out with wet hair & people will think you just went swimming which is athletic not lazy

@junejuly12

I have a devil tattooed on each shoulder cause I hate arguments.

@Robert_Beau

At the motel:

Front Desk: And here’s your key card sir ..

Me: I’d like a wakeup call.

FD: You’re 20 lbs. overweight and your fly’s open.

@TheBoydP

[Attractive stylist washing out my hair after cutting it]

Stylist: How’s the water temperature?

[Water so hot it’s scalding my scalp]

Me: It’s fine

@babyblue0924

I’m really glad my dog doesn’t tell anyone about the conversations we have together. Then people would really think I’m crazy.

@heatherlou_

If you’re trying to woo me without food… let me stop you right there.

@TitaniumToplass

When people ask “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” just reply with “Space” then silently stare at the sky until they leave.