A decepticon is a just a cheeky emoticon at the end of a message intended to excuse the sender and confuse the recipient.
Ex: Please die 😉
ONLY text me in an emergency. Like my car’s shooting flames from the trunk, one of my exes dies eventfully, or if someone thinks I’m sexy.
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Growing a beard is the closest I’ve come to caring for an animal.
[from the bottom of a lake]
I have this thing where I underestimate the size of puddles.
He who must not be selfied.
[in ambulance after being shot]
can we [coughs blood] stop at Taco Bell?
“Don’t be stupid! [turns around while driving] of course we can”
Me: Can I meat the new guy?
Boss: Meet? Okay, sure…
*hides bag of steaks*
[arguing with friend about chemistry]
*cop walks up* do we have a problem here?
Me: No. We will find a solution once you argon, officer.
Can I ask you a question without you getting mad?
-People who are about to piss you off
Oh, so when a survivor takes an arrow to the head, it’s a “tragedy.”
But when a zombie get hit, it’s a “good kill.”
if adults evolved from babies, why are there still babies?