Job interviews be like what’s your biggest weakness, ummm I don’t have a job bro
“Oooo, a window. Let’s see if I can fly through it.” – Dumbass birds
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me: i’ll have the steak
waiter: this is a vegan restaurant
me: ok i’ll have the vegan
Don’t ask me if I’m flirting with you I promise you I have literally no idea
Yes I wore a $900 fuchsia southern belle dress to your kid’s baptism. When I was your bridesmaid, you said I could always wear it again.
“How old are you?”
Things you say to your third child.
Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is.
Clitorusaurus: A dinosaur never discovered by man
“So, do you play any instruments?”
Me: *slaps knees for 30 minutes straight without breaking eye contact*
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife’s is around $643.27. Apparently
Added some new forms of payment to this store…