Opened the lint filter on my dryer after washing my dog’s bedding and another dog fell out.

You Might Also Like


~mattress store
ME:i need to use the intercom
M:this time for real…my kid’s lost
M:*to entire store*I SEE BED PEOPLE


It’s been six years since my job interview.

I’m beginning to suspect they chose someone else.


UNNATURAL ~>Homosexuality

NATURAL ~> Virgins giving birth, talking snakes, dead coming back to life, walking on water.

Confused yet?


Nutritionist: Ideally, you should eat 1200 cal a day.

Me: Ok, and how many at night?


My bf bought a kazoo and in unrelated news he can’t find it for some reason..


Hotel California is basically a negative Yelp review with a two minute guitar solo.


It’s that scene from footloose where Kevin Bacon is angry dancing in the barn but it’s me trying to do my taxes.


Misery loves company,
and apparently that’s why my parents invite me over every Thanksgiving weekend.