
I get distracted too easily to be a burglar. I’d just end up playing with your dogs, or feeding your fish and then leaving.
Out of embarrassment, I just told a train passenger I’m crying cos my bf dumped me. Real reason is I’m listening to the Lion King soundtrack
I get distracted too easily to be a burglar. I’d just end up playing with your dogs, or feeding your fish and then leaving.
Worst part of my old job was drug screenings. Had to tell a guy he was pregnant. Lesson: don’t use your girlfriend’s urine for testing.
he was correct
I miss the days before the internet, when you didn’t know some person’s every awful thought until they died and you cleaned out their attic.
If you want to set up a company and run it then that’s your business.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
Thank you to all the people who tweet landscape pictures so we don’t forget what it looks like outside
The 6th day of xmas was the worst day of xmas bc after getting 5 golden rings she thought he moved on to jewelry & did not expect more birds
hot tip: to avoid writing bugs, don’t write software
I hate being bipolar it’s awesome