Out of curiosity I decided to look at Pinterest, and I’ve decided it’s basically cyber-hoarding…
Overheard, my parents, watching the World Cup:
Dad: Who are you routing for?
Mom: I’m routing for it to be over.
You Might Also Like
Strengths? I’m great at multitasking
*explosion in kitchen*
*car crashes through fence*
I forgot I was driving!
*storms out of office bathroom*
*slams roll of single-ply toilet paper on boss’s desk*
I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS
If she boasts how adult coloring is therapeutic and has made her more tolerant and patient
Hide her markers
Apparently you can build quite a reputation if you go to all the Christian bookshops and ask if they carry Harry Potter.
*cleans house while wife’s out*
W: *walks in* wow babe, thanks so-
M: APRIL FOOL’S *runs around making huge mess til it’s worse than before*
Real girls have curves. A real girl is just one long, continuous curve. Do not date girl unless she is a parabola.
*shitting pants, crying, missing my shoe*
yoga instructor: you need to leave
me: oh is this not child’s pose?
I explained how Pac-Man works to my kids, and apparently 4 ghosts constantly chasing someone is a terrifying story to 4yos.
r: what can I do for you?
me: sorry, I’m looking for a landscape gardener