Why does my computer sound like it’s mining bitcoin whenever i open a browser


A lot of people wonder if u have to choose between a creative career and making money, and I just wanna say stick with it long enough & you can have neither 🙏


If I could steal powers like Rogue from X-Men, I’d use it on someone who can fold the fitted sheets.


I only Googled how to make a bomb so I can be sure I don’t accidentally have bomb making equipment in my house that would get me arrested in a surprise police raid.

Cop: And yet, here we are…


In the movies, when the bad guy takes someone out to forest at gunpoint and tells them to dig, WHY do all the victims-to-be dig?

I say let ‘em shoot you, and they can dig the damn hole themselves.


If Jesus was from Nazareth, why does he have a Mexican name?


I didn’t know imposter syndrome was contagious, but my boss also thinks I’m terrible at my job.


On your first day in jail, when they ask you what you’re in there for, say “the food” so all the other prisoners know you’re a loose cannon.