@neoselket

Why does my computer sound like it’s mining bitcoin whenever i open a browser

@KevinFarzad

A lot of people wonder if u have to choose between a creative career and making money, and I just wanna say stick with it long enough & you can have neither 🙏

@Writepop

If I could steal powers like Rogue from X-Men, I’d use it on someone who can fold the fitted sheets.

@wildethingy

I only Googled how to make a bomb so I can be sure I don’t accidentally have bomb making equipment in my house that would get me arrested in a surprise police raid.

Cop: And yet, here we are…

@AlanFelyk

In the movies, when the bad guy takes someone out to forest at gunpoint and tells them to dig, WHY do all the victims-to-be dig?

I say let ‘em shoot you, and they can dig the damn hole themselves.

@BobGolen

If Jesus was from Nazareth, why does he have a Mexican name?

@Anniewritess

I didn’t know imposter syndrome was contagious, but my boss also thinks I’m terrible at my job.

@notalogin

On your first day in jail, when they ask you what you’re in there for, say “the food” so all the other prisoners know you’re a loose cannon.