@Gupton68

Is it pspspspsps or spspspspsp?

~ asking for my cat

@adalva

Just saw a man park, walk into a movie theater, walk out two minutes later with a large popcorn and a fountain soda, get in his car, and drive away. A hero of our time.

@sweatsntopknots

Offered my daughter $30.00 to help me get the house clean for our bbq tomorrow.

She hired her younger brothers for $5 each to do her work.

🤦🏻‍♀️

@topaz_kell

Argue with me at your own risk. I have cutting comebacks a week later when I’m in the shower.

@topaz_kell

Drunk yoga, but it’s me trying to get the last drop out of my boxed wine.

@LizerReal

My 7yo was taking pics of her sister, and I said, “oh isn’t she pretty” but 7 responded, “no she’s a suspect.”

@CCRuns

My first crush was a cartoon lion and I often wonder how he’s doing today