@glo_stevens You can just say something like “a group of chipmunks is called a cheek.” No one fact-checks that shit anymore
@CatWorkers #dalle2
@DrakeGatsby UPS delivery tracking is like “your shipment is on a truck which is currently parked next to your house. Estimated delivery is 9 days from now.”
@daddygofish A near death experience but it’s just me waiting for my 7yo to pick out a souvenir
@SondraDeeMe My entire life looks like a drug deal gone bad.
@clichedout *runs 3 steps*
my heart: if u don’t stop i will
@jovialjennay To the person that lost their iPhone 13 Pro Max at Costco… Please stop calling my new phone. Thanks
@citizenkawala We had TikTok when I was a kid, except it was called ‘Funniest Home Video Show’, and everyone agreed that 30 minutes once a week was quite enough of it.
@michimama75 Me: I need a vacation by myself.
Me, alone on the beach for 5 minutes with my thoughts: not like that.
@simoncholland My kids’ bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher.