@glo_stevens

You can just say something like “a group of chipmunks is called a cheek.” No one fact-checks that shit anymore

@DrakeGatsby

UPS delivery tracking is like “your shipment is on a truck which is currently parked next to your house. Estimated delivery is 9 days from now.”

@daddygofish

A near death experience but it’s just me waiting for my 7yo to pick out a souvenir

@jovialjennay

To the person that lost their iPhone 13 Pro Max at Costco… Please stop calling my new phone. Thanks

@citizenkawala

We had TikTok when I was a kid, except it was called ‘Funniest Home Video Show’, and everyone agreed that 30 minutes once a week was quite enough of it.

@michimama75

Me: I need a vacation by myself.

Me, alone on the beach for 5 minutes with my thoughts: not like that.

@simoncholland

My kids’ bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher.