@thenoahkinsey

When you don’t even acknowledge I held a door open for you, I want to pull you back inside by your neck, and say “now let’s try this again.”

@MrSandeepP

Truthful Tuesday: If a rapper raps about how much money he has then I download his music for free.

@OkieGirl405

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Meet me in bed
To learn something new

Pfff….poetry is easy

@TheRolo

I tried watching Inception with Twitter on. I still don’t know what Juno was doing in their dreams.

@rickkondell

The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.

@GinGander

Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map…
Putin is fixing the issue
by just calling it all “Russia”.

@slimmy_shady

Me: You’ve got the same stupid duck face in every picture! Daffy: Erm… 😐

@BangMyBongo

Hell is where Sarah Palin is president, Taylor Swift is in love with me, and Kim Kardashian names all the children

@samalmightysam

Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN.

@junejuly12

Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant