When you don’t even acknowledge I held a door open for you, I want to pull you back inside by your neck, and say “now let’s try this again.”


Truthful Tuesday: If a rapper raps about how much money he has then I download his music for free.


Roses are red
Violets are blue
Meet me in bed
To learn something new

Pfff….poetry is easy


I tried watching Inception with Twitter on. I still don’t know what Juno was doing in their dreams.


The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.


Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map…
Putin is fixing the issue
by just calling it all “Russia”.


Me: You’ve got the same stupid duck face in every picture! Daffy: Erm… 😐


Hell is where Sarah Palin is president, Taylor Swift is in love with me, and Kim Kardashian names all the children


Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN.


Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant