@thenoahkinsey When you don’t even acknowledge I held a door open for you, I want to pull you back inside by your neck, and say “now let’s try this again.”
@thenoahkinsey 
@MrSandeepP Truthful Tuesday: If a rapper raps about how much money he has then I download his music for free.
@OkieGirl405 Roses are red
Violets are blue
Meet me in bed
To learn something newPfff….poetry is easy
@TheRolo I tried watching Inception with Twitter on. I still don’t know what Juno was doing in their dreams.
@rickkondell The best part about pooping with the bathroom door open in the morning is being able to see everyones face at Starbucks.
@GinGander Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map…
Putin is fixing the issue
by just calling it all “Russia”.
@slimmy_shady Me: You’ve got the same stupid duck face in every picture! Daffy: Erm… 😐
@BangMyBongo Hell is where Sarah Palin is president, Taylor Swift is in love with me, and Kim Kardashian names all the children
@samalmightysam Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN.
@junejuly12 Shout out to the person who had the balls to open the first no kids allowed restaurant