@dave_cactus

[first date]
ME: That’s a pretty name.
CASSIE: Thank you!
ME: Is it short for Casserole?

@sixfootcandy

Bear 1: Is that guy playing Nickelback on his hike?

Bear 2: Yup. Give me a minute to stretch.

@DianeP89

The feeling of peace when amongst the trees quickly disappears when you notice a coyote nonchalantly walking towards you.

@scot7a

ME: I’m a tough, smart, practical adult, and I don’t believe in silly superstiti–

SOME OLD LADY ON THE STREET: *grabs my hand, gasps* She still thinks about you.

ME, streaming tears and snot : R-r-really?

@SvnSxty

driving is absolutely insane. I’m gonna hop in this metal box and roll around so fast that hitting literally anything might kill me

@kevinthedad

My 5yo asked me if we could go to someone else’s house because he says we go to our house a lot

@perlhack

boss: well, happy Tuesday everybody, you know what Tuesday means!

me: haha yep ti–

boss: tacos!

me: tacos!