[first date]
ME: That’s a pretty name.
CASSIE: Thank you!
ME: Is it short for Casserole?


Bear 1: Is that guy playing Nickelback on his hike?

Bear 2: Yup. Give me a minute to stretch.


The feeling of peace when amongst the trees quickly disappears when you notice a coyote nonchalantly walking towards you.


ME: I’m a tough, smart, practical adult, and I don’t believe in silly superstiti–

SOME OLD LADY ON THE STREET: *grabs my hand, gasps* She still thinks about you.

ME, streaming tears and snot : R-r-really?


driving is absolutely insane. I’m gonna hop in this metal box and roll around so fast that hitting literally anything might kill me


My 5yo asked me if we could go to someone else’s house because he says we go to our house a lot


boss: well, happy Tuesday everybody, you know what Tuesday means!

me: haha yep ti–

boss: tacos!

me: tacos!