*stares into the abyss*
*abyss pretends it’s doing something on its phone*
“Paper or pl..”
..astic! OMG we finish each other’s sentences! You complete mmmm…
“I’m not saying ‘me'”
ME! OMG we did it again!
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“I just tried to make reservations at the library”
You don’t need a res-
“Couldn’t get one though”
Don’t do this
“They were fully booked”
That awkward moment when you text a pretty girl, “my shirt smells like you” & you misspell shirt
I don’t eat cats and dogs. Dogs are cute and I’m allergic to cats.
*my lawyer leans in and whispers in my ear*
Cats are also cute.
Secret Panel HERE 💥
my roofing company has gone bankrupt. I kept saying “this one’s on the house” every time I finished a roof, how could i be so stupid
“I would absolutely say I’m an introvert!” – Guy screaming to his table full of friends at brunch.
Jesus: the bread is my body
Judas: *cutting carbs* I see
June 28 1954
So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this.
June 30 1954
I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok