Paris Hilton is suddenly a DJ?
Well. Then I’m a dragon.

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Watching movies with kids:

If he/she hasn’t seen it, eons and billions of questions.

If he/she has seen it, eons and billions of spoilers.


If “bae” means bacon and eggs then yes, I’m chilling with my bae


Friend zone?!
I’ve been sister zoned! And if one more dude pats me on the head, I’m telling mom!!


If i had to guess, i would guess that the number one search word on Bing is Google.


To impress the guys I told them I was dating an artist. I didn’t tell them her preferred medium was sandwiches.


Satan giving a tour of hell: “Over there we have people who make that sound when they chew gum and idiots who use hashtags on Facebook.”


I don’t hate you, but if you we’re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.