That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening..
ME: *hits car backing up*
Guy: *yells out window* HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THIS BIG OF AN IDIOT?!
Me: *yells back* NO! I USED TO WEIGH MUCH LESS!
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Give me a few strong men, and I’ll build a nation. Give me a few hot women, and I’ll conquer the world.
I JUST DRUNK 37 MONSTER ENERGYS AND NOW I CAN SMELL ABSTRACT LEGISLATIVE EUPHEMISMS
Other kids wanted to be astronauts or doctors, when I was little I wanted to be a horse calendar
Ughh…7 more hours till I can go home. Oh, sorry, my Canadian friends…7 more Kilometers till I can go home. Or is it liters?
I’ll play duck-duck-goose and give all gooses. I don’t give a duck.
“Robin, I don’t care how much you love that show. We’re not opening the batcave to Storage Wars.”- Batman.
This makes total sense…
#WarAgainstPorn because they’re having sex and we’re not. No porn for anyone until everyone’s having sex, ok?