Theravada Monks purge all their earthly possessions to express their faith and pursue spiritual stillness of mind. I did it because fleas.
*Passive-aggressively skips through your selfies and only likes pics of your dog*
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It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Just remember Mom, you can’t spell “disappointment” without “appointment” which reminds me I have to be at Hooters at 9 for my interview.
Yea, music today sucks. But don’t forget that at one point we all listened to some idiot ask who let the dogs out for 4 minutes.
How many different places do you look for something before you decide it’s lost?
Men – 2
Women – 1,768
I never realized how many “favorite” coffee mugs I had until other people tried to use them.
Little known fact:
Young children’s bones are not the same as an adult. Children’s elbows are actually made of knives.
Me: Got any 7s?
Wife: Go fish
Me: *returns from Bering Strait a changed man* I watched the sea take my best friend to his grave. Got any 3s?
WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?!
“Grandma, that’s Niki Minaj.”
if anyone starts quoting the bible to you, a funny thing to yell is “NO SPOILERS I HAVEN’T READ IT YET”