@StinkyGr33n
@CourtneyBale Theravada Monks purge all their earthly possessions to express their faith and pursue spiritual stillness of mind. I did it because fleas.
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@CourtneyBale 
@TheCatWhisprer It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
@i_Lean Just remember Mom, you can’t spell “disappointment” without “appointment” which reminds me I have to be at Hooters at 9 for my interview.
@noog Yea, music today sucks. But don’t forget that at one point we all listened to some idiot ask who let the dogs out for 4 minutes.
@TheBoydP How many different places do you look for something before you decide it’s lost?
Men – 2
Women – 1,768
@lovejulieacafe I never realized how many “favorite” coffee mugs I had until other people tried to use them.
@PetrickSara Little known fact:
Young children’s bones are not the same as an adult. Children’s elbows are actually made of knives.
@Gre_Gone Me: Got any 7s?
Wife: Go fish
Me: *returns from Bering Strait a changed man* I watched the sea take my best friend to his grave. Got any 3s?
@Chandio_Pablito WHY IS THAT COTTON CANDY TALKING?!
“Grandma, that’s Niki Minaj.”
@GrantTanaka if anyone starts quoting the bible to you, a funny thing to yell is “NO SPOILERS I HAVEN’T READ IT YET”