@TheAndrewNadeau DATE: Tell me about yourself
ME: I own 7 pens!
D: I meant, like, something personal
M:*Sadly* I lie about how many pens I own to impress ppl
@eleniZarro People always ask Jesus to take the wheel but there were no cars back then so how good a driver can he really be
You Might Also Like
@TheAndrewNadeau 
@ComicBookNOW WHO DID THIS?
@clichedout her: i saw a shark walking along the beach
me: *flicks cigarette* sharks don’t even have feet, jen
@TheBoydP The hardest part of marriage is resisting temptation. Women just don’t understand how hard it is not to use a decorative towel.
@Trisarahjtops Hey, so I was working on an Excel spreadsheet and hit an unfamiliar function button and, long story short, now I am trapped inside it and all these numbers are mad at me
@caraweinberger When I miss my parents I put 12 expired salad dressings in my fridge and it feels like home
@QueenVofCoffee Me: I need to start buying gifts for people; Christmas is coming up.
Also me: *buying myself a Burr Coffee Grinder* I’m technically people, so….
@SteveKoehler22 Apple Computer is taking steps to
protect user privacy.Their new policy is iWon’t tell…iPromise
@mjkspeaks How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
@jordan_stratton Now tell me how old your baby is in HOURS.