People are far, far too judgmental these days.
I can tell just by looking at them.
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Today is the day I write something beautifully profound
No. That was it. I’m going back to bed
Husband: You want to have sex?
Me: We probably shouldn’t because I’m coughing.
Husband: Ewww. I didn’t say I wanted to kiss.
Me:
My family’s dull. All through his teens my brother had his head buried in a book before dad exhumed it & reattached to the rest of his body.
Her: You should have someone follow you around with a book of matches.
Me: Because I’m on fire with all these jokes? My sense of humor is lit?
Her:
Me:
Her: Sure, let’s go with that.
If you love something, let it go. But if you love two things, space them out. For example, let a koala go at least three days before a lion.
*The Proclaimers put on a Fitbit
Fitbit: Awww, Hell No!!!
Maybe the environment should adapt to accommodate our negligence did it ever think about that
In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I’m fine now.
In my experience, people who say “I’m not trying to be difficult,” don’t really seem to be trying all that hard.
Saying you like a lot of meat in your taco is received differently on Twitter than it is on Facebook.
I know that now.