People that don’t have dogs, how do you clean up the food that’s dropped on the floor?
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Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
Idk y men go to bars to meet women? Go to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they’re already looking for things they don’t need
I’m trying to send the zombie apocalypse but the zombies say they’d rather starve.
[Job interview]
“What are your strengths?”
Me: I fall in love easily.
“Erm, okay… what are your weaknesses?”
Me: Those blue eyes of yours.
DM: hi I’m Emily and I live in your area 💋
Me: big whoop Emily I live here too
I’ve been using the Netflix account of an ex for half a decade. We broke up in 2010 & in 2017 I got a text out of nowhere that said, “Do you watch anything that isn’t about death??” No. No I do not.
Rambo Rambow
They call it “childbirth” lest we get confused and give birth to a full grown adult.
When someone reads your message, then never responds, it’s just hurtful.
I mean, what else could they possibly have going on at 3 AM?
Maybe Aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.