
“I’m not really a big dog person.” – lying werewolf
People who can get up to pee in the middle of the night and fall right back to sleep, explain yourselves.
“I’m not really a big dog person.” – lying werewolf
After all of the screaming I’ve done, you’d think that this roach would give it up and WANT to die.
5: Daddy, where do fish come from?
Me: Finland
5: Ohhhhhhh
Me: OMG I love this song
Radio: should I play it again
Me: okay
Radio: fifteen times
Me: wait
Radio: every hour
Me: no
Radio: for the next six months
NO MATTER HOW MANY ALIENS BIT SCULLY SHE STUCK TO HER GUNS LIKE “NO THESE ARE SCIENCE BITES”. KINDA GOTTA RESPECT THAT.
DOG: she keeps using heart emojis when we text
DOG FRIEND: which color heart?
DOG: *shows friend phone* the gray one
DOG FRIEND: omg
“You suck.”
“No, you suck.”
“Really, you suck.”
“Please, you suck.”
“You suck, I insist.”— Polite vampires.
Quick! Everyone on Facebook is at church! Let’s go steal all their shit!
Imagine accidentally walking in on someone in the bathroom who’s not on their phone.
Just sitting there, hands on their lap like a psychopath.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a “gym.”