@sloganeerist

People who replace “Christ” with “X” are missing the whole point of what the ChristBox 360 is about.

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@Carbosly

There is no life on earth without water.
Because without water, there is no coffee.
And without coffee, I’ll kill you all.

@ZachWeiner

Our baby doubled age in a single day. If my calculations are correct, a month from now she’ll be about 3 million years old.

@clichedout

i knew my ex was going to dump me so i set up a profile called “Add Profile” on her Netflix account and 3 yrs later i’m still watching

@BobGolen

Someone told me they don’t wear a mask cuz their nose is too big. Give me a break. I wear underwear.

@RealAbishekC

I always dream of being a millionaire
like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.

@Moi_RaRa

It’s so cold that the local flasher was caught *describing* himself
to women.

@the_kizzle

hey, teens who listen to classic rock: you were probably conceived to some of your favorite songs.

@bazecraze

My friend is addicted to interventions and I don’t know how to help him.

@briangaar

“Is there a Mrs. Prime?” — EVERY GIRL TRANSFORMER EVER, I MEAN LOOK AT HIM