There is no life on earth without water.
Because without water, there is no coffee.
And without coffee, I’ll kill you all.
People who replace “Christ” with “X” are missing the whole point of what the ChristBox 360 is about.
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Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
Our baby doubled age in a single day. If my calculations are correct, a month from now she’ll be about 3 million years old.
i knew my ex was going to dump me so i set up a profile called “Add Profile” on her Netflix account and 3 yrs later i’m still watching
Someone told me they don’t wear a mask cuz their nose is too big. Give me a break. I wear underwear.
I always dream of being a millionaire
like my uncle!… He’s dreaming too.
It’s so cold that the local flasher was caught *describing* himself
hey, teens who listen to classic rock: you were probably conceived to some of your favorite songs.
My friend is addicted to interventions and I don’t know how to help him.
“Is there a Mrs. Prime?” — EVERY GIRL TRANSFORMER EVER, I MEAN LOOK AT HIM