“Let’s give the bad guy a ponytail.” – 80s movies
People who think that children should be silent don’t realize that a quiet child usually means someone’s getting an unlicensed haircut.
You Might Also Like
If the kids knew there was a light in the attic, they would leave that one on too.
Sometimes I like to put on a dark wig, a floppy hat, and huge sunglasses, and pretend I’m a mystery woman.
Sadly my husband keeps recognizing me.
Her: I like guys that are confident
Me *looking her square in the eye* worcestershire
ME WATCHING OLYMPIC EVENT: “Holy shit that was amazing!”
COMMENTATOR: “Ooh, that was not good at all. He must really be upset with himself.”
” Wife: there is a man at the door with a mustache.
Husband: tell him i’ve already got one. “
Me: Alexa, tell me a joke!
Alexa: You’re definitely going to finish that home improvement project this weekend.
I’ve never seen a runner smiling.
So that’s all I need to know about that.
I was thinking of being narsysistic.
But I can’t spell it.
So I’m going to be vein.
People are lot less judgey when you say you ate an ‘avocado salad’ instead of a bowl of guacamole