@_CherriAnn_ I like to make lists. I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter and then guess what’s on the list while at the store. Fun game
@Browtweaten [pet store]
me: are the birds expensive?
employee: they’re going cheap
me: I know how they work
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@_CherriAnn_ 
@swiftenhaal Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat and then I remember they just feed off attention.
@TheAdly I want to apologize for the awful true things I said when I was angry.
@taps0420 I love how all my apps shake when I go to delete one..
There all like awww shit,
who’s it gonna be this time
@ericsshadow HUNDRED DOLLAR IDEA:
Go to an ATM.
Withdraw $100.
@missekay People that say a watched pot never boils clearly don’t understand the second law of thermodynamics or are blind.
@TheTweetOfGod People often say things in the heat of anger that in hindsight they regret not accompanying with a punch in the face.
@YoungNobler Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien.
@trevso_electric Try to eat 70,000 small meals a day to keep your metabolism on its toes.
@DammitErin Here’s my plan. I infiltrate a therapist networking group on Facebook. I ask questions about “my client” to gather their advice. There is no client. It’s me in a cheap wig. I get free therapy from 468 professionals. I fix myself. Then I start a podcast.