
Me: I’m going to bed after this episode.
Netflix: Hahahahahaha! Sure. Ok.
[pet store]
me: are the birds expensive?
employee: they’re going cheap
me: I know how they work
Me: I’m going to bed after this episode.
Netflix: Hahahahahaha! Sure. Ok.
If you have 6+ numbers after your name as part of your Twitter handle I can only assume you’re an inmate & tweeting from prison.
Some Things Never Change 😀
#archaeohistories
Husband: Let’s talk about it when we’re not tired and cranky.
Me: So, in like 18 years?
In my previous life I was a gorgeous philosopher named Mediocrates
You better take care of me Lord, if you don’t you’re gonna have me on your hands.
Buy one annoying person, get two free!
– In-laws
Stop telling me your newborns weight and length. I don’t know what to do with that information.
[Girl takes off her clothes]
“You have had sex before right?”
[Me, in a suit of armor & holding a cauliflower]
…
“no actually”