pharmacist: are you getting a booster?

me: high chair please.

You Might Also Like


My mother-in-law said that we should stay an extra day if it’s too snowy to drive.



Her: See ya later alligator!

Me: *slithers into swamp*


“What do you mean there’s not a secret passageway?”
“Sir, this is a library.”
*whispers* “What do you mean there’s not a secret passageway?”


└📁 2022
└📁 Good stuff
└⚠️ This folder is empty


It’d be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.


“I don’t think Gay Guys should be able to get abortions”

-Me when someone asks me a question that I don’t know the answer to.


*dresses like a kitty*

*climbs tree*

*waits for new fireman husband to come rescue me*


What’s the protocol for objecting at a wedding that you’re a plus one at?


Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.


Boy, are you a protractor because with all your measured angles and collected numbers you’re such a transparent tool.