Otter: [muttering] futkin kiths
Me: Hi, baby.
GF: Aw, what a nice surprise!
M: I just realized I forgot to say goodbye & I love you this morning.
GF: No, you told me.
GF: You’re talking about the dogs, aren’t you?
M: Are they available?
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*pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand*
Booth operator: ma’am please not again
Me: someBODY once tolled me—
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Dentist 1: Yes
Dentist 2: Yes
Dentist 3: Yes
Dentist 4: Yes
Dentist 5: Not so fast…
If Spiderman really did whatever a spider can, he’d scare the shit out of women and get his ass kicked with a flip-flop.