I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. This kid working at Baskin Robbins is pretty scared. Now he’s crying in the corner.
PILOT OVER INTERCOM: alright folks, by a show of hands, who has ever made a small and understandable mistake?
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And then one day we decided we were tired of sleeping in and doing whatever we wanted whenever we wanted in a clean house, and we had kids.
Me: I’m going to eat healthy from now on
Me: never mind
Clapping was invented by white people at concerts, because we have no idea what to do with our hands when we dance.
I know my computer doesn’t have a virus because I’ve never had an 8-bit skull and crossbones pop up onscreen laughing.
Just saw an advance screening of Age of Ultron. Spoiler alert: he’s 47
I don’t trust autocorrect to pick the correct word let alone let a car just drive me …. by itself
I think abs are for guys that don’t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.
one time my dad walked in on me smoking an E cig and made me eat a whole pack of batteries
Willy Wonka ran the original Squid Game.