Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated…go figure.

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I see Google have dropped that internet specs thing then?

“Google Glass”

I know what glass is, Catherine.


My Mom says since I’m 33 years old she no longer has to watch me do sweet cannonballs at the pool. That’s total bullshit.


“Is it better to be feared, or to be loved?” Cats chose both, and they’re doing fine


DON’T make this weird…

(I whisper in your ear, as I pet your eyebrows)


Calm down penguins. You’re just a flashy suit and a few body parts away from being a platypus.


Years ago, scientists knew barely anything about space! It was probably because those scientists were babies


Me: Can u send me those documents?
Coworker: Yes, but u can actually get them by–
Me: Nope, don’t try teaching me to fish. Not interested.