@heidi420x

Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated…go figure.

You Might Also Like

@thepunningman

I see Google have dropped that internet specs thing then?

“Google Glass”

I know what glass is, Catherine.

@UNDEADTRESOR

My Mom says since I’m 33 years old she no longer has to watch me do sweet cannonballs at the pool. That’s total bullshit.

@i_mthestorm

“Is it better to be feared, or to be loved?” Cats chose both, and they’re doing fine

@AimeeHelene1

DON’T make this weird…

(I whisper in your ear, as I pet your eyebrows)

@tealbluejay

Calm down penguins. You’re just a flashy suit and a few body parts away from being a platypus.

@meganamram

Years ago, scientists knew barely anything about space! It was probably because those scientists were babies

@dshack8

Me: Can u send me those documents?
Coworker: Yes, but u can actually get them by–
Me: Nope, don’t try teaching me to fish. Not interested.