@VerbsRProudest Sorry. Can’t. I live in a small town. You know what that’s like. *vague gesture* Super busy avoiding all men from a Big City who might have recently inherited a tree farm & are liable to stay here after being charmed into rediscovering the true meaning of Christmas.
@SardonicTart It took me 13 years but I finally deleted most of my e-mails.
@Tbone7219 My superpower is destroying the neighbors living room from 100 yards with nothing but her cat and my laser pointer.
@DurtMcHurtt My doctor just used a tongue depressor on me so I’m going out for ice cream to cheer the little guy up.
@gojarbe [prison riot]
me: here comes the tickle monster!!
[gets stabbed 100 times]
@JermHimselfish Me: I don’t know how to ride a horse
Whiskey: Yes you do
@badbanana Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag.
@Jake_Vig Everyone sings “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” to their selfies, right guys? Guys?…
@WheelTod [Vegan Conference]
Announcer: While we await our key speaker, please talk among yourselves
Vegan: I’m a vegan
Vegan2: I’m also a vegan
@canadasandra Imagine me with poor grammar. Wrong. Worser.
@AllenaC