@Izianikapani
@tobestewart [watching paint dry]
“It’s just nice to be watching something without Benedict Cumberbatch in it-oh my god there he is”
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@tobestewart 
@StarWarsProblms Leia: This is romantic
Han: I know
Chewie: Rwwar
Leia: Does he have to be here?
Han: It’s a life debt. You’re basically marrying us both
@BradBroaddus My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned.
She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.
@daemonic3 Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato
@sarcasticmommy4 I tried that whole “if you love something, set it free” thing but my kids are still here.
@Fred_Delicious the compUtah Maineframe has crashed and Idaho how to fix it. Alaska round to find out Hawaii it happened. Are Delaware of the situation?
@truegritrumble INTERVIEWER: Your greatest weakness?
ME: I’m told my laugh is sinister.
INTERVIEWER: Lol. That can’t be true.
ME: Mwahahaha. I know, right.
@jon_snow_420 it’s creepy that edward cullen never sleeps and spends his nights staring at bella. but what if he’s just stopping spiders crawling into her mouth? now we’re talking
@ericbove The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
@truegritrumble ME: Sorry I was late.
FRIEND: What happened?
ME: *remembers spending all morning rolling slowly around in bed like a rotisserie chicken* I fell off a bridge.